clara's zoo?

i'm pretty sure that my house is going to be critter central before too long here.

first off, i made some ill-fated bread on thanksgiving, that fell just before i put it in the oven. so the bricklike results sat on the counter until about two days ago, becoming more and more bricklike. so i got the bright idea to buy peanut butter, apply it to the bricklike lumps, then roll the whole assembly in birdseed. good times, down on the farm. i stuck a pencil thru the result, attached a ribbon, and hung the beaut from my porch for all to see.

i also had some unfortunate leftover biscuits, which have definitely seen better days. so tonight i had a throwing contest with myself, resulting in a biscuit-littered lawn. so hopefully the little creatures of the forest come and do their job promptly. their job, not their business.

finally, taking out the compost bin is always a bit of an adventure. you see, the only reason i ever go out the back door is to take the compost up to the pasture to dispose of it. these little trips are not frequent enough for me to actually remember that, due to mildew, the back porch is the most slippery sumbitch you will ever encounter. for example: i bought some delicious Nancy's yogurt before i went to europe. that was in september. recently i discovered the prolific substance that used to be my beloved yogurt. yeah. yum. so i took it out of the fridge, showed it to my friends, and put it on the counter with the intent to dispose of it properly, or release it into the wild. after a few days it somehow ended up back in the fridge. a few weeks later i decided to actually carry out The Original Plan. so i washed it down the drain. i think the word "attempted" should have been placed somewhere in the former sentence. needless to say, the choice bits of aforesaid prolific substance remained in the drain basket thingy. now, all normal people have had drain-basket-thingy-phobia at some point in their lives. most of us have overcome that phobia, so being the mature adult that i am, i removed the drain basket thingy and took it outside to dump the repulsive contents in the grass, thanking my lucky stars that horrid smells don't make me nauseous. upon stepping onto the back deck, my feet went out from under me, my legs went every which way, the substance-formerly-known-as-yogurt went up, uP, UP in the air, then DOWN, DOwn, down my shirt, and all in my hair. it was bad.

DEFINITELY do not try any of these activites at home.