the morning commute, of sorts

as i was driving to my photography class this morning (yes, i'm taking a 3-credit photo class in addition to the 21 class-hours i'm taking at TAC), i was reminded of my last week's drive. not knowing how long the drive would take, i left a half-hour earlier last week than today. it was fairly dark out then, and i followed the full moon as it shown thru the small space in the mountains, where the road lies. the moon rose slowly as i drove. drove, listening to pink floyd, then the indigo girls, eating fruit snacks (my favorite breakfast...hey, they're healthy!), trying to wake up, trying to stay on the road without touching the oh-so-cold steering wheel. as the sun thinks about rising, remnants of snow glint pink and yellow on mountains far above and beyond anywhere i'll be going in the next 3 months.

mountains, full moon, winding road...

my thoughts drifted to another time, oh, maybe 3 or 4 years ago. different place, different season, different life...yet still mine. i was in love then, and young. i was going to college (the first time), and my family was normal and hadn't yet moved to a 3rd world country. we were walking, walking, walking, my new friends and i. strangers two weeks ago, but now family. my life depended on them, and theirs on mine. it was dark...the kind of darkness most people have never seen and never will. the kind of darkness that you only find hundreds of miles from any artificial light.

we had picked the mold off of old bagels, spread them with cream cheese kept in the stream in place of a refrigerator, and ate heartily. umm...anything tastes good when you're burning upwards of 4000 calories a day. we were walking. hiking. all in a row, dressed in matching jeans, green hard hats, and blue collared shirts. blue-collar workers to the MAX, that summer. we were passing the big old tree that somehow was the lone survivor of last summer's raging fires; the big old tree that signified one mile. one mile down, five to go.

the trail was clear, mostly. last week we'd spent days digging boulders and roots out of this same trail, day after day of pick-axe and Pulaski swinging. now it was level, but a few stones and roots remainded to trip us as we followed each other thru the darkness. nothing to look at, no sound but the creek and our footsteps. then we rounded a bend and the full moon hung right in front of us, bathing us in weird light. we trudged on. mile two, mile four, mile six.

it was getting light when we reached our stash and picked our tools of choice, two each. the "lucky" four in front of the line got right to work, their pick-axes clinking and sparking brightly in the dawn. i glanced around quickly, taking in the moon, my crew, and the three humongous moose across the creek. i sighed with...content?...and started the rhythmic swinging of my hazel hoe. thus began my work day, and many others, long days of dirt and sweat and Thought. Thought that only comes with sweat and dirt. and the raw beauty of Nature.

There i wander; beauty above, beauty below, beauty all around me. -Navajo

study habits

i've got my study habits down to an art:

i get out of class, do work study, shower, eat applicable meal, talk to friends, check email, check blog, then with all distraction out of the way i collect my books for the next day. i then decide to use the restroom. while doing so, i decide to brush my teeth. while collecting my toothbrush from my room i see my cell phone and decide to check my messages. upon receiving messages from a multitude of old friends, i text message them. one or two of them immediately text back. the text conversation continues. now i need some tea, so off to the commons we go. while there i catch up with a few people i haven't talked to for some time. then i realize that it's PBJ time, so sandwich making ensues, after which i need to wash my hands. upon exiting the WC i check my mailbox, then realize i've left my books in the dorm. i walk up the hill to the dorm, and as i pass thru the dorm commons i get wrapped up the 24/7 girl party. eventually i obtain my books, just in time for "check my email to see if OT wrote anything" hour. the internet line is always long, then while online i also write to the fam or D. by this time it's almost curfew, so i need to get one last beverage from the commons. i get back to the dorm, say hi to the girls, then it's time for consecration. we chit-chat, raid our change jars for dorm-store money, and get yelled at at least 3 times for being too loud. we then start singing songs, so i run to my room to get my guitar, knocking on a few more doors on the way back. we all pack into a phone booth (so we don't wake everyone up) and sing folk songs for an hour or two, switching phone booths when people's boyfriends call. finally at 1am everyone else goes to bed, so i can finish my homework. well, finish starting it, that is.

my horoscope made me do it!

Leo
July 22 - August 21
Be extra social today, dear Leo, and spend some quality time with friends. Communication with others is a key aspect of the day. This includes talking as well as listening. All sorts of group activities are favored at this time.

timeless quotes

taking stuff said in class out of context just never gets old.

here goes:

"I find it hard to avoid making stupid mistakes." Mr. Berq__, after our class went 20 minutes over while he attemped to solve something at the board.

"So if I had a hot body..." Dr. McL__, while discussing matter and form.

"Reproduction: you should try it some time!" Mr Hart__, to K. Coughran

classes are good. well, better. i talk in philosophy now! math and lab are just insane. i'm SO LOST. i enjoy theology b/c st thomas is so logical...i also enjoy telling my friends that proving the existance of God is my easy class.

the st. kate's girls have A TENT set up on the patio of their dorm. how unconventional of them!

big ben says my recent post made him sound like a faggot. i think he's just bitter that he is coming around to my motto, "Disregard conventionality". he said he never would, but he is. i win. conventionality loses. every time.

i have my cell phone back!!!

i am a whole person!!! i am back in business!!! life is good. except i already used all my minutes and i don't have free texting anymore (i$$ues), so i'll talk to you after Feb. 4 or on weekends only. heh heh. the cowboy bar relinquished my phone to becky rose, and immediately it began ringing (she told me so, she did). so apparently my battery lasts 4 days! i'm impressed. aren't you? cuz i'm impressed.

the scar on my arm, that i thought was just a stratch, daily looks more like the remains of a suicide attempt.

the new ME continues

i'm really getting into this new me stuff. get this: i actually iron my clothes! yes, everyday!!! i'm turning into a joliat or something! what next?! the 2nd coming?! heh heh, not to be sacriligious or anything.

big ben is also coming along quite nicely on THE NEW BEN project. this is the irascible guy who used to flip out at the littlest thing. now he smiles and says hi to everyone. he talks to Parcel Boy again. he carries a purple Nalgene that is his "favorite possession". he says that blowing bubbles makes people happy, so we made a "bubble run" to O-so-high to stock up. he walks around campus blowing them, and he even shares! last night he busted out with some balloons too. next he's going to be wearing a clown suit and be making little animal shapes! wow.

OT update...

i got the following email today (well, here's part of it):

Church was novus ordo and uneventful, but i did get chosen to be a usher and use the pole with the basket attached to poke people until they put money in. Its kinda cute when parents let their kids put the money in, and its even better for me because those kids have no chance against the pole.

now i'm going to gush a bit about how funny he is. ok, no, i'll spare you. but really, i talked to him today while he was SHOVELING A PATH FOR HIS MOM'S DOG TO RELIEVE ITSELF!!!! i laughed and laughed, then told him that i couldn't wait for everyone else to hear about this. he was less-than-enthusiastic about that idea.

good times.

top two odd TAC experiences of the week:

odd experience #1: while sitting in the coffee shop, i observed about a half-dozen girls of the "Amish" sort preparing to play the board game Trivial Pursuit. they gigglingly set up the board, picked their pieces, and commenced. the designated questioner drew a card from the box. she read the appropriate question aloud. i don't remember the exact question, but it was about a member of the Monkees. the following conversation ensued:

Amish girl #1: Do you even know any members of the Monkees?
Amish girl #2: I've never heard of the Monkees.
Amish girl #3: As far as i know, Monkees are just monkeys.
Amish girl #4: Let's try a different card.

needless to say, i did not stick around to see if they did, indeed, have better luck with the fated Different Card.

odd experience #2: in mass this morning someone's cell phone rang. that, in itself, is odd at TAC. we usually come to mass ready for a serious spiritual experience, to commune with God (to put it into my own terms). so for someone to bring their phone to mass at all, especially one that's ON is out of the ordinary. so the phone rings. and rings. AND RINGS!!! and it doesn't bloody stop!!! by this time everyone is looking around, like Who the HELL is not taking care of this issue!!! it finally stopped. then started again about 5 minutes later. it was someone within the 5 closest people to me, but we were all staring at each other blankly. it stopped. it started. it stopped, it started. on about phone call #4 i was pretty sure it was the girl next to me, who had been sleeping for most of the mass. phone calls #7 and 8 (both of which came during the consecration) nearly set me over the edge. i stopped focusing on transubstantiation and started contemplating whether i should slap her, take the bag into commons, or just dig out the phone and throw it out the back door. finally after phone call #9, the offender excused herself. i was more than happy to let her out of the pew. i was in awe. THE GUTS!!! wow! i think i would die after phone call #2! amazing.

i'm reading literature! me!!! in fact i'm actually doing other homework too! all y'all would not recognize me! you'd just walk right by, saying, "where's clara? where is she?" cuz you wouldn't guess that i'd be studying so dutifully. in btwn blogging and emailing OT, that is.

class update

the fog won't go away.

it lies between me and joyous knowledge. everyone else possesses her, and aquires more daily. i, on the other hand, have an impenetrable wall between myself and the knowable. argh.

not used in daily conversation anywhere but here:

>man-ness
>lemma
>aristotelean
>rectificatory
>equivocation
>sesquialter
>upright side

i miss my little sisters. they are normal. in the good way...not the boring way.

overwhelmed, a wee bit

am i dreaming? are we all? why does reality feel so unreal? WHY, dammit?!

class is weird, work is not-quite-as-weird, yup.

a perpetual daze.

i don't know anyone! who are they? who am i?

crazy ian m.'s shirt says:

GOD IS DEAD. -Nietzche
NIETZCHE IS DEAD. -God

boy news

yes, i'm still on boy restriction--according to auntie trish--until my thesis is done. the boy restriction guidlines are:

NO falling in love.

NO going on dates.

NO "la-de-da-de stuff".

oops. OT says he's not a fan of me being on boy restriction. cool.

my second first day of class

as y'all have probably heard, my first first day of class started out with a knock on the door, and "Um, excuse me but all your boxes are getting wet!". more well-dressed, well-prepared girls kept opening their doors, expecting to step out into the hallway, walk out of the dorm, and go to their first classes. all of the above were self-evidently impossible.

i used to go down to the Columbia River every sunday after mass. i would sit awestruck on the dock, marveling at the silent power of the current. i thought there was nothing like it in the world. until my first first day of class. what i now call the Therese River was flowing in an east-west direction, in the back door and out the front, with side channels into each of the rooms. exciting times. the river soon covered the outlets on the floor of the commons, so i dashed madly off to find the circuit breaker with images of my fellow dormmates (most of whom were splashing around the dorm wakening the remaining Theresiennes) being electrocuted mid-frolic.

but today we had class. thus, my second first day of class. i always wondering what accident victims felt like, what it would be like to be in shock. a state of shock. now i know. i stood in the hallway before class with Donzilla and klaske, watching the world go by and saying, "maybe we're just all dreaming the same dream." i'm still not sure. i'll get back to you on that. class was even weirder. miss Z was tutor, so i had vague memories of freshman seminar...but what were we doing in room 8? klaske was there...but we are in class, not at the Pit! i know most of the people in my section...but what am i doing with the freshman? of course they are now juniors, but but but. weird.

shock. how does one break out of it?

Dear all,

I lost my cell phone. i'll let you know when i get that situation figgered out.

The End.

...that's just what rock did: blend Sunday-morning fervor with Saturday-night fever.

-Time magazine

i'm baaack!

ok, first things first: lo siento for the long delay!!!!

no, i was not sentenced to death for The Dent. in fact things took care of themselves quite, er, conveniently. i post the Poll of the Day blog, left the page open to check for comments, then began painting the purple room, in Mr-Guy-With-Whom-We-Were-To-Trade-Trucks's house. my family returned from the store, and began to help with the painting. my dad left the room, and returned about 10 minutes later, chuckling. the following conversation ensued:

Dad: so, are you painting the room because you dented M's truck?
Me: No, i fixed the dent already.
Dad: no, the new dent.
Me: what?!
Dad (slowly): THE NEWWW DENTTT.
Me: uh....
Me: YOU!!!! You read my blog!!! DAD!!!
Dad: well, you left it open, i thought you wanted me to.
Mom: What!? What's going on!? What happened?!

my sisters both gave me a knowing smile and quietly slipped out of the room. and that was all.

later however, my sister decided to run full speed into the side of the truck...right where the old dent was. my sister isn't exactly a featherweight, so i spent the evening under the pickup, re-pounding out the dent. good times. i then washed the crutial sections of the truck, thinking i was clever to use one of those wet-jet things. well those wet-jet pads get oh-so-wrong when completely immersed in water. they are some kind of cross between a maxi-pad and a disposible diaper. not good. i finally got THAT mess cleaned up, and took pics of the former dent and the new dent. i did a lil explaining over the phone, then emailed the pics off. the verdict was good. the trade was on, with the order, "Tell her just to not bang it up anymore!"

then i packed and packed. while packing i found a list labeling Things To Do Before Moving to Portland. rule of thumb: you have not lived in one place long enough if you still have the list you made while moving there. i was glad to see that ridley and i had indeed completed nearly everything on the list before we left. unfortunately the two uncompleted tasks were: Go To Beach, and Get Our Drunk On. ah well.

i had FOUR social events planned for new years. my parents only allowed me to attend two. MY PARENTS!!! TOLD ME WHAT TO DO!!! it was weird. i gave in, knowing they were right. many of my wordly possessions would probably have been left on the side of the road if i had not listened to them. as was, we got home at 1am, packed the truck, and drove off at 4 am. ugh. it sucked that i didn't get to say goodbye to the folks at party #3, or go sledding with the folks from party #4 (several of whom i haven't seen since high school), but parties #1 and 2 were good.

we drove and drove, well my dad drove and i slept most of the time. we hit snow in S Oregon and drove 35mph for about 3 hours. we missed megan and kurt's wedding and dinner, but made it in time to see everyone and get in on the dancing. it felt like 2am in st kate's, freshman year...dancing with sophie and boyer and the rest of the girls, but we were wearing more clothes. meg started crying when she said goodbye to me, and she thanked me so genuinely that all the rushing and driving and confusion were forgotten.

i stayed with the levine boys for a spell, til my greg-tolerance-time was up. i'm chillin like a villian in sunny SoCal (ha, ha, try FLOODED SoCal) til move-in day at that place where people go but don't really want to but still do.

La-la-la...i'd be safe and wa-arm, if i was in L. A.

i went to Farmer John's meat packing plant today. it smelled like bum. eww.