poll of the day:

ok. so you all heard the pheasant story, right? if not, scroll down to a few days ago. part one: basically my folks aren't too keen on my driving. part two: we are probably going to trade my truck for our friends' truck in the next couple days.

ok, you know that feeling when you JUST HAFTA do something? well, on Christmas night i JUST HAD TO go muddin' and get my truck dirty one last time. so some of us piled into E's truck, and the rest of us climbed into mine. we cruised up a couple logging roads that all were dead ends before we found one with the gate open. then the good times started. as we headed in, i had very slight misgivings about the whole thing. "Ah, screw it.", i said to myself.

so we cruised and cruised, and succeeded in sufficiently dirtying the truck. then. then E decided to head up a 4-wheeler trail. i decided to follow him. my truck, however, is larger than his S-10, and FAR larger than a 4-wheeler. so we slid into a bit of a rut. no big deal, i just backed down. and slid. into a stump. the damage is minimal, but not really fixable. it's on the extended cab part of the truck, at the very bottom.

here's the actual poll: what do i do? my parents haven't noticed yet, thank god. so do i do the grown-up thing and just tell them? but they will freak out, probably call the insurance guy, which will raise my rates, ruin my perfect record, and very possibly total the truck. or do i just call the guy with whom we are trading vehicles? send him digital pics of the damage so he can decide? just pretend nothing ever happened...after all if my parents (who are anal about their vehicles) have gone two days without noticing, the damage isn't all that bad. and the guy wanted the truck even with a big dent on the other side (someone backed into ME, i wasn't even in the car), but i have since fixed that dent. SO maybe he'll just think that this dent is the same old one!

the good little catholic girl in me tells me to just announce my faults to the whole world. but i am also trying to avoid confrontation and stress. hmm. i want to look at all my options...fixing the problem on my own, with minimal spaz-time is optimal. so, what do you think? what is the preferred mode of action? is it ok to avoid the parental conflict/excitement? maybe i should just cruise down to some auto body place and see if there's anything they can do. argh.

i am
painting, with
purple
paint while wearing
pink-and-
plaid
pajamas.

"look for a white tacoma with a large, noisy, white dog in the back.",

she said.

the dog was, indeed, very large and very white.

nomikkh, on the other hand, was as brilliant and fun as ever. she got the complete portland tour...all the experiences to which i linked on my last post, plus All Blogged Down's pizza place, Powell's, Everyday Music, and Ringlers. she and my other pals were overjoyed to discover the PanGalactic Gargle Blaster, a drink that only Hitckhikers fans will truly appreciate.

Zoe Trope, on Portland:

And Portland, baby, I'm sorry for all the disservice I've done to you by cutting you down to your cold bare bones in these nervous descriptions. How can I possibly sum you up in a few sentences to a girl who's never bounced on the Crystal Ballroom floor or wiped Rocco's pizza grease off her chin? Yes, you've got that bookstore and that river and these freeways scarring your heart. But you've got to understand that I love you for everything you are and everything you could be.

a li'l of this and a li'l of that

is there anyone within 100 miles of portland who wants to come rescue me? don't get me wrong, i love the fam. i'm just 'bout ready for some peer time. i'm drinking some Tension Tamer tea. we'll see if it works.

so today i received one war wound from one cat who lives with my 4 friends, 2 1/2 miles away, but rode under my truck (on the spare tire) for 18 hours, on 3 trips to town, on one hwy 30, at 55 mph, on the 3rd knuckle of my 2nd finger, resulting in a 30% decrease of motion for 12 hours and counting. yup, i think i'm about ready for some college edu-muh-cay-shun. again.

but really i want to cry and cry. i'm living in my favorite place in north america, yet i'm going to get myself and all my worldly possessions into a little green vehicle and drive far, far away in less than a week. why is life like this? i love it here! i love my house, and my truck, and my church, and work, and Luke Hat, and local bands, and McMenamins, and Anna Bannana's, and Jim Page, and all the rest. yet, here i go again, down the long and lonesome highway, alone--eternally alone, seeking and driving and wandering and wondering.

why is it that...

...when my mom says, "we're leaving for Mass in 5 minutes!",

I hear, "oh, i think i'm going to blog a bit now, despite that fact that i am wearing PJ pants and an old sweatshirt and everyone else is wearing their Christmas best and doing their final primping."?

hmm. i think i should run along now.

He brings out the song of the sun in her eyes/ From the drapes of the clouds in her heart

time is running backwards, and so is the bride.

i just spent the ENTIRE day sitting around in my favorite pants with the huge hole in the booty which i now only wear to bed and during the day on days like this day, of which there are very few.

translation: i don't remember the last time i sat around ALL DAY! it felt so good! i worked on my sister's puzzle, listened to irish music which turned into folk/rock at noon, which turned into american indian rock at 1pm, which turned into afro-carribean music at 2, drank tea, and texted people. now i get to walk to work, at which i shovel horse shit in the rain, then walk home. whoo hoo. hold me back. but then my fam is meeting up with Luke Hat's fam...maybe today he'll notice i exist. ok, i know Luke Hat acknowledges my existance, alas! acknowledgment is about as far as it gets. ah well, i'm moving in a week anyhoo.

the mystery is solved. i talked to Meg today, and i am indeed invited to her wedding. there were a few weeks of awkward uncertainty--between the day i realized i hadn't received an invitation and today--but no more. now i just have to figure out if i can really afford to go. i'm heading that way no matter what, but...? what to do? work another week, or share her joy? argh.

more gossip:

Congrats to Matt and Angela!!! they now have a baby boy named John Marie!

Congrats to Mary and Gerry!!! their baby boy is Blaise Matthew!

Also, Sophie and Sean are 4 months pregnant! As are Jodie and Kyle!

Ben D. and Mary C. are engaged! congrats to them!

And for a complete 180,

condolances to the Levine family, who have lost their grandmother. like, she died. it was their last living grandparent. her death was expected, as she was not well.

so MY SISTER IS ENGAGED!!!

yup, as of last night!

my friends know me well. here are my favorite responses to the "my sis is engaged" text message i sent:

"wow." -cathy

"holy hell" -ER

"congrats to her, sorry for you :)" -tay-tay

"get ready for 60 years of SNL impressions." -C

"holy crap!" -nomikkh

"there oughta be a law." -ridley

so i guess everyone is as surprised as i was. she's really happy though, so what the hay. it's all good. maybe they'll spend holidays with his folks. no, i'm sure he's fine...just can't tell cuz he's always putting on a front! what's up with that!?

bad karma, for real

the first time i tried to publish the "bad karma" post, THIS came up:

i've never hit anythn that would like to join the International Stalkers of Ryan Pappan (ISRP) e-mail me and I will set up some time for you to stalk me. Please only serious inquires!
and I will set up some time for you to stalk me. Please only serious inquires!

BAD KARMA IS SO HERE TO STAY!

"two recent phone conversations", or "the boys in my life"

~earlier~
me: Hello?
OT: Clara, darling!
me: have you been drinking?
OT: just because i greet you enthusiastically, you automatically assume that my mental state is altered. i'm hurt.
me: oh, sorry.
OT: ok, i have been drinking.
OT: so, when are we getting married?
me: ?
me: usually people date first, but hey! we could set a new trend.
OT: yeah. but let's keep it small.
me: ok, how about just people whose names begin with vowels are invited.
OT: alright! that means you and i can come!
me: yes, but my parents are left out.
OT: my mom, too.
me: hunh.
OT: ok, talk to you later.
me: ok, bye.
OT: bye.

~later~
ER: Hello?
me: so, who've you been doing? oops! how've! HOW'VE you been doing?
ER: fine.
me: good.
ER: yup, work's been slow.
me: yup. mine too.
ER: we'll catch up some time, hunh?
me: sure. bye.
ER: bye.

bad karma, all around

i don't know why things always turn out this way:

i've been driving for ten years. i know, i know. i started when i was 12, on the dirt roads of rural south dakota. i have a perfect record. i've never hit anything or anyone, no tickets, nothing. i haven't even been pulled over...except that one time, but that doesn't really count since i was already stopped because i couldn't get any further up the sand dune with that many people in the back...but that's another story.

so my fam thinks they can disappear from my life for three years, then return with all kinds of driving advice. like they really learned anything about driving in Guatemala, of all places! after a particularly bad afternoon drive with "the critics" i decided to just completely ignore them and everything they said. then, while driving at a good clip along the home stretch, an animal appeared suddenly in the middle of the street. it was in the right lane, so since i was already halfway in the left lane i swerved left. just then the damn critter flew into the air, promptly colliding with my windshield. "Colliding" would be an understatement, yup, definitely an understatement. it was a bleeping PHEASANT!!! what the hell was a pheasant doing in northwestern oregon anyways?! he doesn't belong here!!! go home, blasted bird! well, it's a lil late for that particular specimen of poultry, but seriously.

so the fam freaks the F out. if we weren't so close to home, we'd have needed to stop so they could change their pants. chris just got real pale, and shut up (for once). THEN my dad improves the situation by insisting (he was 100% serious) that we ought to stop and scrounge around the ditch in the dusk for the carcass! because after adding two good sized cracks to the windshield, the thing would be edible! and we all were definitely in the mood to gut, pluck, and butcher an animal after all that (sarcasm, sarcasm). good times. now they'll never believe that i'm a good driver. 'Cuz i am! i am!! there's nothing wrong with speed and greed. just buckle up, shut up, and don't throw up.

so, who's the most annoying person YOU know?

FUCK MY CHURCH AND FUCK FRED MEYER!!!!

ok, not my church like the universal Catholic Church, but rather my particular church, St Wenceslaus Church. and i do indeed wish fucking upon Fred Meyer inc, and even upon the universal corporate america that wisks our money far, far away. i hate CEOs, i hate chains, i hate corporate america, and i hate indenticalism and non-originality.

this is a rant. it has been building for sometime now, but reached boiling point one week ago. last saturday night i tried to stop at the local grocery store for root beer float ingredients, but it was closed early. "That's weird.", i thought to myself. then the next morning on the way to Mass i saw it. IT. the "going out of business sale" sign in large painful letters in the front window. i became quite enraged. i was unable to concentrate in Mass. in Mass at St Wenceslaus. St Wencelaus Church who sold the land across the street to Fred Meyer Inc. 5 years ago. Fred Meyer who takes our community's money and gives it to people far, far away who don't need it. Fred Meyer, the bain of our existance and the reason that our local grocery store is closing. they withstood the evil for 5 long years, but they have succombed. the age of withstanding has passed, the day of suffering is come.

the other day i heard a man speaking sweet, sweet words on the radio. he informed us all that for every $100 we spend at large chain stores (Safeway/Vons, Fred Meyer/Kroger, McDonalds, Kraft/Phillip Morris, Borders, Starbucks, etc.) about $20 stays in our community. so ok, they bring a little money to our town. however, for every $100 we spend at locally owned businesses, about $50 stays in our community. and the jobs brought to our towns by these local stores will be Owner, or Manager, or other higher-paying, more desirable positions. these people in turn will reinvest this money in our community by shopping at other local stores, or furthering their own or their children's education. don't break the cycle.

on the other hand, the "jobs" brought by large corporations are burger-flipping, clean-up in aisle 4, would you like a drink with that, and you have til friday on that new release. gay. all the upper-management positions are out of town, usually out of state. as a result small town america will continue to die, leaving only The City, Suburbia, and The Sad, Sad Dirt We Call Farmland.

so go to your local, nameless coffee shop: you'll meet more interesting and unique folks than at the corporate, faceless place. buy milk at the corner store. find an artsy neighbor to make Christmas gifts for the fam. or buy them a gift certificate for the little bookshop down the street. even if they have a shitty selection they can order any book under the sun for no extra charge. you won't regret it. peace out.

PS: i can't figure out a way to avoid the oil and insurance corporations yet. help!

i will never be a financial advisor.

so my family has been wandering about in the central american jungles for 3 years now. they have finally found their way out, and will be rejoining what we like to call civilization for what we like to call Christmas. um, yeah. i am greeting them by promptly whisking my 14 y. o. sis off to her very first concert EVER: Modest Mouse, themselves.

you see, i have what i like to call (can anyone guess what the phrase of the day is?), anyways, um, yes: the two-year rule. "what will i remember in two years?", i ask myself at key decision-making times. this time i decided that my gas-and-food money for the next two weeks would be put to more memorable use if it were used as concert-tickets-for-B-and-i money instead. at this point i would like to remind you that this rule is not right for everyone, especially for pregnant or nursing individuals, or those with heart problems. serious side effects may occur, such as high blood pressure, headaches, tension, and returning from europe with a negative $600 balance in your bank account. but hey! what will YOU remember in two years? how about ten?

food safety 101

i really should stop eating things that have sat out all night. i really should. but, you see, nothing bad ever happens so i have absolutely NO incentive to actually employ the refrigerator. i'm sure that the fate of the gods (or the e. coli virus) will eventually play fun, fun games with my digestive tract and its processes, but that day has not yet come.

along the same lines, i had my first experience with a microwave dinner last night. not as foul as i anticipated! lasagna that was put in a box in a factory far, far away is indeed edible! who knew?!

guitars don't snore...

i've taken up the habit of playing my guitar in bed. yes, lying down, under the covers, with the lights out. see, i always think of cool songs as i'm going to sleep, so i just get up and get my guitar. unfortunately this activity usually continues until about 1 am, at which time i cuddle up with it and finally fall asleep. i think i'm going to die of fatigue. for reals.

clara's zoo?

i'm pretty sure that my house is going to be critter central before too long here.

first off, i made some ill-fated bread on thanksgiving, that fell just before i put it in the oven. so the bricklike results sat on the counter until about two days ago, becoming more and more bricklike. so i got the bright idea to buy peanut butter, apply it to the bricklike lumps, then roll the whole assembly in birdseed. good times, down on the farm. i stuck a pencil thru the result, attached a ribbon, and hung the beaut from my porch for all to see.

i also had some unfortunate leftover biscuits, which have definitely seen better days. so tonight i had a throwing contest with myself, resulting in a biscuit-littered lawn. so hopefully the little creatures of the forest come and do their job promptly. their job, not their business.

finally, taking out the compost bin is always a bit of an adventure. you see, the only reason i ever go out the back door is to take the compost up to the pasture to dispose of it. these little trips are not frequent enough for me to actually remember that, due to mildew, the back porch is the most slippery sumbitch you will ever encounter. for example: i bought some delicious Nancy's yogurt before i went to europe. that was in september. recently i discovered the prolific substance that used to be my beloved yogurt. yeah. yum. so i took it out of the fridge, showed it to my friends, and put it on the counter with the intent to dispose of it properly, or release it into the wild. after a few days it somehow ended up back in the fridge. a few weeks later i decided to actually carry out The Original Plan. so i washed it down the drain. i think the word "attempted" should have been placed somewhere in the former sentence. needless to say, the choice bits of aforesaid prolific substance remained in the drain basket thingy. now, all normal people have had drain-basket-thingy-phobia at some point in their lives. most of us have overcome that phobia, so being the mature adult that i am, i removed the drain basket thingy and took it outside to dump the repulsive contents in the grass, thanking my lucky stars that horrid smells don't make me nauseous. upon stepping onto the back deck, my feet went out from under me, my legs went every which way, the substance-formerly-known-as-yogurt went up, uP, UP in the air, then DOWN, DOwn, down my shirt, and all in my hair. it was bad.

DEFINITELY do not try any of these activites at home.

word.

Thank you for using Ticketmaster.Your order number is -------.

You have ordered 2 tickets to : Modest Mouse

All orders are subject to credit card approval and billing address verification. Orders exceeding published ticket limits will be canceled.

song of the day (get pete seeger's version):

I Come and Stand at Every Door

I come and stand at every door
But no one hears my silent tread
I knock and yet remain unseen
For I am dead, for I am dead.

I'm only seven although I died
In Hiroshima long ago
I'm seven now as I was then
When children die they do not grow.

My hair was scorched by swirling flame
My eyes grew dim, my eyes grew blind
Death came and turned my bones to dust
And that was scattered by the wind.

I need no fruit, I need no rice
I need no sweet, nor even bread
I ask for nothing for myself
For I am dead, for I am dead.

All that I ask is that for peace
You fight today, you fight today
So that the children of this world
May live and grow and laugh and play.

-- Nazim Hikmet

so we shipped a box to larry king today...

every day that i wake up to a new day without snow i praise my god. no, seriously. we've been in real danger of that white $^%7 lately, but so far it's a no-show. FINE, by me.

so bryan is really poetic (not in a trainwreck way), but he hasn't posted since july. shame.

i still hate christmas. and shoppers. i was in freddy's the other day, and fleecy blankets were on sale. so this lady (well, she was about my age) comes up and strikes up a conversation about how we should stock up on this kind of stuff and keep it around because, "you never know who you're going to forget to buy a present for! you might just remember so-and-so's girlfriend and think 'oh, a blanket!'."

whoa. who SERIOUSLY gets so into christmas shopping that they spend their hard-earned money on people that they FORGOT to shop for!!??? if i'm actually going to go out and purchase something for someone, A) they have to be very close to me (no one i FORGET about), and B) it would have to be something that person really, really needs. therefore, Dear Everyone, Do not expect presents from me this year, or any year until i am very rich and know that you need something purty darn bad. i think i'm a fairly generous person...i try. but i am NOT into obligatory "gifting". and that's my rant. i figured everyone will be doing a "turning Christmas into Xmas with mass consumerism rant" so thought i'd get mine in first.

adios. speaking of which, for the last two weeks i have been speaking spanish more than english. no complaints here.

can't a girl just take a bath and read a lil Frankenstein?

bath time: 25 min.
missed calls during that time: four
reason for ending bath: visitors at front door

Wild horses...

We will ride them, someday.

~Bush

how great is that?!

new record: 1500. yes, that's the correct amount of zeros. zeroes? whatever.

i hurt. my eternal paper/cardboard cut on my right pointer finger was reopened (oh joy!) twice today. i hate christmas. if anyone tries to tell me "happy holidays" i'll have them flat on the pavement before they get past the "hh...". so that's how i feel about that.

in other work news, Scary Toothless Lady changed her clothes!!! also, while working in close quarters with her, i discovered that S.T.L. makes continuous grunting and muttering sounds. how unique! quote of the week: "Do we hafta label all them boxes today? Aaurgh, I'm gonna beat 'er face in!" ~S.T.L.

this just in: Anal Chinese Lady likes working with me! A.C.L. said so herself! who KNEW? she had me fooled! also, she read my palm! that too was a first for me. she said i will have to work hard in college, but i won't have to work too hard for the rest of my life. thank god. A.C.L. also said that i won't get married too young. blast.

let's do lunch?!

Inmate: Stewart a Hit at Prison Mess Hall

Nov 29, 8:08 AM EST
The Associated Press

DENVER-- The food at the Federal Corrections Camp in Alderson, W.Va., apparently is nothing to write home about — unless one is eating it with Martha Stewart.

Roman Catholic nun Carol Gilbert, 57, who is serving time in the same prison as the famous homemaker, says she enjoys eating with Stewart, although the setting could be better.

and thus i arrived.

death to consumerism.

so we seriously pack about 600-800 items per day. on saturday we filled a semi by 11am. yeah, tell me about it. i've been keeping track of the states to which we have sent wreaths. we've got all of them except alaska, utah, and idaho. hot damn. we sent 100 to hawaii, and one to the UN the other day. good times.